Back to Work. Ugh.

I go back to work on Monday and I feel like my heart is breaking. I can't stand the thought of not being with Lilah everyday. It is just not fair. I'm not ready to leave her. I need about 18 more years lol! Lilah will be with Brian every Monday and my mom every Tuesday. She is will be with Nancy (our neighbor who has a son Lilah's age) Wednesday thru Friday unless Brian is off work. I am hoping to get my schedule modified so that I can work 4 days a week and be home with her an extra day. I did the math and after insurance and taxes being taken out of my check and paying for childcare I will be working for about $1.75 an hour on the days she is with Nancy. Awesome. Defintely NOT worth being away from my baby girl. I just hate it. I never imagined that I would be the one who would WANT to be a stay-at-home mom, but now that is all I want and I can't have it right now.